Forgiveness & Self Hatred

The ability to forgive yourself when trying to turn your life around is more vital than most people realize. What's more? Not forgiving yourself is actually disrespectful to the Lord. Like CS Lewis once said:

"I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him."

I can't speak for others, but as someone who was delivered from true, seething self hatred, I can tell you what worked for me.

Some points:

Forgiveness is an action, not a feeling. You have to do the thing before you feel the thing.

Forgiveness is a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it becomes.

Say it out loud. There is power in your words and, especially when you are new to it, you don't have the musculature to just will it into being. You have to speak it and convince your own soul like King David did.

Sometimes, forgiveness takes more than one session before it finally takes hold. Don't give up! Victory is there to be had for those who push through.

The final manifestation of forgiveness is that when you think of the event, you no longer hurt. If it still hurts, you still have forgiving to do.

My Story:

When the Lord began to deliver me of a BUNCH of stuff (including some pretty entrenched porn and lying addictions), I truly did hate myself. I PROMISE you that it was warranted. There were plenty of things to hate. Defying all belief though, the Lord had forgiven me of it and it was my turn. Fortunately, in an unrelated matter, I had asked the Lord to make me a good forgiver. He was kind enough to teach me over a period of time how to do so.

What worked?

I would get alone with the Lord and I'd ask Him to show me where I had unforgiveness towards myself. Whatever He brought to my mind, I would seize it, I would say OUT LOUD, "I forgive myself for ..."

At the beginning, it didn't take. I'd have to repeat it out loud again and again, maybe a dozen times before the hurt of it left my heart.

One down. On to the next one.

Keep going. Whatever more He shows you, rinse and repeat. If He convicts you to do anything additionally (ask forgiveness from somebody or something like that), be obedient. Keep going until you feel His peace. I ASSURE you He wants you to be free of this. The enemy condemns. He convicts.

You may not be done yet though. You may find those same hurts revisiting you in the coming days, weeks, or months. Don't be discouraged. This is totally normal. Every time the hurt shows it's ugly head, stop what you are doing and don't move until you have out-loud forgiven yourself and the hurt is gone again.

One day soon, you'll wake up and you'll realize, you've truly forgiven yourself. It took me 8 months. Let me tell you. Life gets SO much easier after this. And the best part? You can approach the Lord like a child again with a heart full of innocence and child-like expectancy.

I PROMISE you. This is worth the fight.